Ramadan Day 6 Ramadan Fight Club: List of Times Not to Fight with Me While I’m Fasting because I’m too Tired and Can’t Pay Attention to You (But Maybe I Kind of Want To)

I had grand plans for today’s blog post, which was a relief, because the previous ones for this year’s Ramadan were unplanned. So as with writing, the unplanned life, is a beautiful thing. I think most of you, myself included, would’ve preferred to read what I could’ve written about: which is why we should be asking God for whatever it is that we want? (So long as it’s not bad). It actually grew out of a post originally titled “How I asked God for a Baby” Maybe if I can get it together tomorrow I’ll write that post. In the meantime . . .

List of Times not to Fight with Me while I’m Fasting because I’m too Tired and Can’t Pay Attention to You (But Maybe I Kind of Want To)

1. 4:20ish – 6am: Don’t fight with me right after Suhoor because that’s the worst. I’ve just eaten, and I’m holding a bellyful of water. I’ve also just prayed, so I will feel extra terrible if I lose my temper after intentionally speaking to God about how the day might go and also asking for forgiveness. It so sucks when I’m being bad, but I’ve tried so hard to be good.

Also, I have a TON of energy because I can’t quite sleep because my stomach is uncomfortably full. This means that energy gets a bit mis-directed, and in a fight with you, it may come out at you. And yeah, I will have to use the restroom in the middle of the argument, maybe more than once.

2. 6am – noon: Don’t fight with me in the morning. If I’m not working, then I’m sleeping, or trying to binge watch something. I’m ignoring you anyway, so it’s not a big deal, come to think of it.

3. 12 – 1pm: I had therapy.

I love myself too much to fight with you.

4. 2 – 3pm: Don’t fight with me during the best part of my fasting day. Usually I’m calmly sitting there processing deep thoughts and anxieties and simultaneously working. I’m not too hungry yet, though I may be a little thirsty. This is the best part of the fast for me because usually I’m not THAT hungry. Also, I’m really fascinated by the sunlight. It’s so pretty everywhere in California.

4. 3 – 4pm: Don’t fight with me when I notice that most of the day has gone, and I’ve barely done anything except work.

For example, I didn’t make it through the sperm donor catalog, or call the acupuncturist, or schedule the meeting time with me, or re-watch that lesbian Supergirl episode that I really like and have recommended to several friends. It’s quite touching. (I cried.) Mind you, I’ve been working for a solid two hours and formulated very few thoughts while rubbing my eyes (allergies) and staring at a computer screen.

I may spare some attention for people who bug me, but that’s it. No focusing on them! That’s how scattered I am. This window of time can be a really big pivot point in my day.

Sometimes this is when I decide to take a walk. I’m so not fighting with your ass if that’s the case. Because I probably left my phone at the library, where I will later hope it’s not stolen. Pokemon Go is less fun when you’re fasting because it’s really not that important (surprise!), and like I’ve said in countless blog posts — you’re starving so it’s not like you have the energy to focus on petty things.

Although I did catch some cute Pokemon and name them after friends I miss. Go. Me.

5. 4 – 6pm: Really? This is point break for me. I’m usually done with work.

This is when I have to make decisions that I’m utterly incapable of making. Like, do I call people back? Do I text? I really really want to schedule that meeting with the doctor. I kind of have dry mouth right about now. The past few days I had a wee headache.

I definitely called up my writing accountabilibuddy – since it’s a Thursday – and because it’s Crystal and she’s one of those people who’s both really practical, direct, and also really nurturing and has a fantastic imagination and intelligent as fuck. (If you find an accountabilibuddy who is like that, then hang on.) I may have told Crystal a few things, like fasting brain is really the same thing as pregnancy brain. Which means I’m ready to be pregnant… right???

I may have asked her some uncomfortable questions about stuff, like stuff about getting pregnant. Crystal may have told me a far more uncomfortable story about Betsy Devos and some resistance-type performance art that involved a lot of almond milk. All I know is that we were both grossed out. I was also hiding in my sister’s house and occasionally barging out to watch P – my 4-year old nephew who is honestly the easiest child in the world ever to babysit. He is soooo great at playing legos by himself. Seriously, he told me to leave him alone. Or maybe I’m delirious.

Come on, I may be trying to write or to read, or just sitting there wanting a nap so it’s definitely not a good time to fight with me. I’ve definitely started on my blog, or at least thought about it.

I’m not thinking about you.

6. 6 – 7pm: Ok, but why are the Cavs and the Warriors in this year’s final again? Isn’t that weird for other cities?

I’m trying to write my blog while simultaneously checking FaceBook posts. Today I had some good ones. Lots of stuff about how Trump removing the U.S. from the Paris Agreement is gonna lead to doom and mass climate change/world destruction. Well, actually our ignorance and extreme desire to produce and the brand of our capitalism as well as inequity and poverty toward which we have greater attachment than the survival of our species will lead to mass climate change. That plus Trump. I have a lot more to say about that, but it could fill a book since I used to work in this field.

Also, I clicked on some gorgeous pictures from poet Samiya Bashir who’s in Iceland – HECK YES. Tomorrow – as in Friday, June 2, 2017 an amazing production from D’Loco Kid called Private Dick is gonna premiere live streamed tomorrow. I wrote a FB post and tagged 80 people in the comments, and then I re-did that 3 times, but each time I couldn’t stop myself from tagging over 50. Dangnabbit. Will have to wait until I break this fast, I guess. It’s weird how repetitive I get.

Oh, and not to get side-tracked, but I also read about how Filipino food is gonna be the next great American cuisine. Because I like to torture myself. Mostly, I stared at the picture that led the story. And, I read some great articles – one from Randa Jarrar called “Being a Bad Muslim Help Me Get Out of a Bad Marriage” and one from Teen Vogue by Amanda Randone called “What Happens When You Get Your Period During Ramadan” and then another one by Zeinab Khalil and Annie Sajid called “Ramadan is Not a Poverty Simulation Game.” Ok, actually – truth – I didn’t read all those three for the first time during 6-7pm. I re-read two of them, that I’d actually read earlier, but I can’t remember when. It was in the last 24 hours.

I’m also reading poems and writings from folks in the Poetry-A-Day for Ramadan FaceBook group. Sometimes I’m commenting. Definitely I’m

WHAT is happening to me? I’m not sure if I’m reading or writing anymore. Who cares about conflict? I’m distracted.

7. 7 – 8pm: I’m writing y’all! Leave me alone.

Deadlines work even during Ramadan. It’s good to know. And this year I have so few non-fasting hours, that I’ve decided to write only while I’m fasting. I really like this habit actually because writing when I’m fasting is interesting. I have no idea what I’m gonna say next.

8. 8 – 8:20ishpm: I’m feverishly getting Iftar stuff ready or driving or something. Don’t got time for your nonsense!

9. 8:20ish – 9:30pm: Eating and digesting

10. 9:30pm – 3:30ish am: Ok, so I have my energy back. Big deal. I also have a lot I have to do, and even though it’s too late to call most people, I’m super tired from fasting all day. I can’t even believe that you would think about fighting with me during the few good hours of either consciousness or sleep I have. Seriously, this is why I try to mostly talk to Muslims and other folks who are fasting during Ramadan — I stand a much better shot at being forgiven or understood because my brain is dead. Like killed dead buried ain’t no such thing as getting it back until tomorrow.

Also, I put off binge watching stuff on Netflix all day, I’ll have you know. So don’t get on my case. I need to find a solid Korean dramedy. I’m in luck . . .Silla, I’m coming!

11. 3:30ish – 3:40isham: snooze

12. 3:40ish – 3:50ishan: snooze

13. 3:50 – 4:20ish: OMG! Must fry that egg! Must drink all those glasses of water, plus pedialyte, plus coconut water, plus juice, plus make a sandwich or stuff leftovers into my mouth. I hope my tummy doesn’t hurt. I don’t even think anybody but God could be alive at this particular moment. Certainly not you.

When I pray, I’m gonna pray nothing bad. I’m not even gonna think a bad thought. I’m gonna ask God to help me fight you by not fighting you. Because, wait up


Ok, but why didn’t I call this post Ramadan Fight Club?

Blackbody Curve
Stairs: a rushed flight down thirty-eight; French doors unlocked always.
Always: a lie; an argument.
Argument: two buck hunters circle a meadow’s edge.
Edge: one of us outside bleeding.
Bleeding: shards of glass; doors locked.
Locked: carpet awash with blood.
Blood: lift and drop; a sudden breeze.
Breeze: its whistle through bone.
Bone: the other was looking at —
Bone: cradled to catch drips.
Drips: quiet as a meadow fawn.
Fawn: faces down each hunter each gun.
Gun: again.
Again: somebody call someone.
Someone: almost always prefers forgetting.
Forgetting: an argument; a lie.
Lie: a meadow; a casement; a stair.

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