There is a giant gorilla that lives in the center of the world named Sebastian, and right now he is coming between me and my peace of mind.  He’s got hairy hands.  That would seem obvious.  But in the clutch of his hands lies my whole fate, and I have mixed feelings about it.  I probably seem small to him, railing at his ankles, pounding at his big toe:  this myopic fuzzy-headed creature needing a haircut, with much smaller hands than him and a lack of patience for maps or anything that will help me know where I am or how to get to where I want to be.

Sebastian definitely came from somewhere besides the suburbs.  I know this because he looks rushed and impatient for me to make a decision about my life.  He taps his index finger against the crook of his elbow (just like me!)  He doesn’t seem interested in shopping at the mall.  He scratches his butt, and I can’t see if he has a tail.  I finally give up and start telling him the equivalent of a spoken word memoir.  I remember that this lovely woman did that in 1001 Arabian Nights, Schezerade or something like that — and since I don’t have the imagination to make up stories, I am going to tell white lies about my life — a lot of them — and I am going to tell Sebastian these stories to lull him into a sleepy state.  Then, I will escape with my fate.

I’m going to coin the term for what I am doing.  Right now.  Spoken word memoir.  Spomo!  Or, how about poem memoir?  Po-m0?  Uh, I know that’s been done… Yeah, I have this really itchy, unpleasant feeling when it comes to memoirs.  I’m afraid that if I start writing them I’ll just end up saying I have a lot of black holes in my memory.  Maybe I blocked out trauma.  Maybe it was just all too boring.   Really, I can’t remember that much.  And the things that stayed with me, do I really want to share them?  Unsurprisingly, Sebastian is starting to huff and puff and get a little cross-eyed at my delay.

A minute.

Sebastian is now eating a bamboo leaf.  Maybe I am confusing him with a panda bear, but I don’t think so.  I hope he is vegetarian; heck, I hope I grow up and become a vegetarian.  I also hope that Sebastian appreciates vampire novels and mind-numbing television.  How else is he going to chill with me and relax while I try not to think about the fact that there IS A GIANT FUCKING GORILLA NAMED SEBASTIAN THAT LIVES IN THE CENTER OF THE WORLD.


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