longing

today, a little girl who was not me

scooped up a puppy, my puppy —

with straight, golden hair, and melting

chocolate eyes, short stubby legs, thick paws,

a pensive look, floppy ears, a mini-lab,

who whimpered to be near my 2-year old nephew

my puppy

who softly slept beside me

who lumbered around clumsy

a puppy i’ve always wanted

a puppy for whom i arranged an adoption

so i could co-parent and have visitation rights

a puppy i named logan (whether because of my brother’s obsession

with a charter school my friend karman worked at which wasn’t really called

logan, or because of a veronica mars watching frenzy i recently passed thru)

a puppy who looked like a logan

on this holy day, eid-ul-adha, we can choose sacrifice

to understand who we are

maybe i’ll always be allergic, unable to fully participate,

dependent on others to relate to me their experience,

a visitor, not an owner, and maybe right now when

i feel like i have nothing

i can feel what it is like

to love

even just a pup

even if only

loving

is always lost

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